Throughout the two month period in kindergarten, dealing with 350 children that have different character, and observing 350 ways of parenting approach, Prince still believes that children are born to be kind. When come to mistake, Prince found out that it is the parent that does not perform their responsibilities with necessary parenting knowledge.
How many parents in Malaysia know about parenting? Parenting knowledge is like mathematic, English Language or Algebra … a subject that should become part of the education system, in the syllabus to impart the knowledge of parenting to teenager or couple before married, to ensure they know the right way of nurturing their children. No one can deny parenting subject, neither can you deny to learn English language or mathematic.
Very often, parent and teacher blame each other for their children wrong-doing and misbehave, and often believe in ‘Born to be wild’ theory or ‘Born with Similarities’ Theory. On the contrary, Prince believes that the parent is the culprit. Parent should be blame for the children negative character of stubborn, introvert, timid, rebellious, intolerance…
The root problem is no longer on how their children should behave (behavioral) or how the parent should nurture your children (nurturing skill), but it somehow reflects back to time when the children first born and how you started nurturing them (parenting skill).
Parent should always remind themselves, to adopt a moderate approach in nurturing, and it is in fact, a very subjective dimension in parenting, as the level varies depend on situation, parents should not pamper a child too much, neither too harsh to a child, slight punishment is necessary to discipline the children, but yet explanation must be given first. Parent should not engage unnecessary physical punishment to their children because it will lead to the psychology sequelae that haunt their childhood memories.
Parenting has never become a fanatical issue in Malaysia until lately; the fueling numbers of abuse cases have threatened the social stability. Nowadays, parent nurtures their children the same way as they were brought up, and it is totally wrong. There are guidelines to nurture children, and was research proven effective, at which it helps to grow the children, not just physically but also mentally and emotionally.
Story about Beethoven has in fact triggered some fact about parenting, although, he, eventually become the well-known pianist in the industry. Beethoven was not properly brought-up, and suffered an unpleasant childhood memories, and he treated piano as the only way to release his anger. Although he becomes well-known with his gifted-expertise, but do you think he is happy? The situation will be different if he is happily and willingly chosen music, and venture into his interest instead of by luck or by fate he dipped into it.
One common mistaken committed by most of the parent is to force their child into performing their own interest or something that they miss out during their own childhood. Parent, nowadays, pressuring their children academically, enrolling their children into ballet, piano session, drawing class and many more, how many parent actually do it for the sake of their children interest?
Though many parents believes that it is for the benefit of their children, but ignoring the children own interest, and forcing them to learn something they do not fancy, may not work at the end of the day. Even if it works out effectively that they become someone in future, but it will affect them psycho-logic subconscious mind. Many real life cases have proven this pathetic scenario, hardly believe to be true, whereby, students finish their degree in Doctorate, Engineering or Nursing, but later abandon their professional field and joins the music industry, or taking up their interested subject. Coco Lee, the famous singer is a Medical Doctor in Practice, and many other examples that shows how the children succumb to their parent decision in childhood.
If you ask an adult who success in their career, they usually attribute their success to their parent enforcement, punishment and reprimanding, especially in Chinese community. How many of them can actually tell you, ‘I am successful because it is my interest, and with the support for my parents is an added advantage’, instead, they will usually said, ‘My parent want me to become a pianist and enroll me into the class, forcing me and sometimes scold me for not performing well, without them I will not be who I am today’. The above two statements, although it results to the same outcome, but a different approach that has implanted the psychological sequelae on the children, subconsciously.
How parent nurture their children can help to shape their character in future. Successful figure usually attribute their success to their parents passion in nurturing them, but describing the so-called ‘nurturing’ as forcing, scolding, beating, instead of ‘supporting’, that has led to their success. Will this method work for the rest of the children or has it proven effective? Yes, it was proven effective through the personal experience of some parent but they did not realize that it constitutes influential psychology sequelae to their children, and it is risky, because if it fails, the children will become rebellious, or leading to many other negative character. Worse still the children lose their freedom to choose, and may become timid in future.
A scenario:-
You have two children- John & Eric. One day you read both academic report cards. You reprimand and punish John who fails his exam, meanwhile you rewards Eric who obtain a distinction. Even though you may have explained to John for his wrong-doing, but anger may have conquered his subconscious mind, emotionally filled with anger, looking at how you reward Eric and start to judge. He may have strive better in his study, and become a better person in future, but you subconsciously implanted Sibling rivalries! Or if you did not punish John, you are then pampering him for wrong doing. Again, this is a very subjective discussion for what should be done. There is always a way to cope with this situation, but how much parenting knowledge does a parent know?
Parent believes that they have to do some soft of enforcement or slight punishment, however, reward and promise are always better than punishment and enforcement, and it has to start young, or else no matter how you reward and promise in future, doesn’t seem effective anymore, furthermore, parent must have integrity and must be a promise keeper. Parent must fulfill what they have promised, and appropriate reward is important. Reward can not come in the form of material, though, sometimes, it is inevitable, but certainly can not allow your children the wrong direction. It may help to implant the materialistic dimension during children character developing period.
Meanwhile, fairness and shared of love and affection are important dimension of nurturing a children, parents tend to give their love and affection more to the youngest child, and enforces on the eldest one, and they always believe that the eldest assumes the ‘Big Brother’ role in family to take care of the youngest, pressuring the eldest child. This will ultimately instill sibling rivalries, very often, when you talk to any adult who happen to be the eldest in family, they will tell you how they parent pamper their sister or brother, and they will relate their different childhood experience among the siblings by comparing with them personally, appears to be distinctive and harsh, the process of them, relating their experience proves the theory of Sibling rivalries.
Meanwhile, if someone tell you how their parents enforce them since young, and how strict their parents are, for example, ‘I have to buy everything with my own money, but my sister and brother got everything free from my parents’; ‘last time, my parent don’t allow me to eat if I fail my exam’; ‘my parent will beat us up for wrong-doing, but I am a successful person today’. All these statements show the psychology sequelae from their childhood, and that, in future, if they are not properly told about parenting knowledge, they may nurture their children the same way as they were brought up.
These statements also show some minor sibling rivalries and dissatisfaction towards parent although they still respect and being filial. They ultimately channel their hatred towards their siblings. Meanwhile, although, they may still love their parents, but for some children, they may just hate their parent for that for the rest of their life!
How often people will tell you how much their parent loves them instead of how strict their parent enforces them? How often do you hear they praise their parents for their love and affection, such as walking under rain just to get them to hospital? If you place yourself as the observing party, you may have notice the degree of parenting knowledge among all others.
Lastly, husband and wife relationship also play an important role in the process of nurturing their children, especially in character building. If husband tends to isolate the wife when walking together, either one at the front, or one at the back, minds their own business. Certainly, their children may not receive the necessary attention at home, equally from their parents.
Parent is a role model for their children, they are the home teacher for their children, and most importantly, they spend most of the time with their children. A couple that always gives each other, their children, morning kisses, good night kisses, or calling each other honey and darling, and calls their son or daughter sweetie, will certainly help to create a far more different type of ‘home’. No one can tell if this can help to nurture them to become the future ‘Prime Minister’, but certainly, you will feel the warmness with love and affection at home, and under this circumstance, the children feels the loved.
As a conclusion, Prince always believes in happy children theory, regardless of how they will become in future either a CEO or Doctor. Happy Children Theory tells that children, throughout the proper nurturing and character building process will become someone with a good attitude in future, with sense of responsibility and retrospective. There are cases where the son was detained for burglary, but parent keep insisting that their child behave well at home. Certainly, they child behave well at home if you tend to enforce them, and they become someone else once they step out of the house. Different children needs a different approach, and as a parent, must be able to discern children behavior. Some children are introvert, and will succumb to enforcement, they will just quiet and abide. Some children, the more you enforce the more rebellious they become. The best way, still to use what we called, love and affection with reward and promise, you may wonder what that is…
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